Fell asleep as soon as I got home last night. Sat nav must have been sympathetic and brought me home by the 'fastest' route.
Woke up earlier than I expected to, as a bird (not sure what type, smaller than a crow) flew into my bedroom through the open window and proceeded to fly around constantly pooing. It must have got bored after a few minutes as it flew back out of the window and back to wherever it came from. It took me three hours to clean up all the mess, and I used a whole squirty bottle of Mr Muscle. Also, perhaps I should have worn gloves, as I now have extremely sore hands and everything ow hurts ow to ow do ow including ow type. I did wonder what the 'corrosive' label meant. I assumed it just meant not to go for a wee if you have any on your fingers. Incidentally, it does also mean this. Ow.
The postman arrives and hands me a packet. I am super excited and shake his hand before running to the kitchen to find the scissors. I use scissors to open all my mail because if you rip open an envelope its soul doesn't go to envelope heaven.
Inside the packet, YES! The free sample of Bold 2 in 1 Infusions of Lavender I requested. I strip off and put all my clothes in the washing machine, pour in the futuristic blue and spend 1:11 ( setting 3 with optional 'eco-wash') watching what I gleefully call 'Bubble TV'.
Now that I feel I have achieved something I decide to reward myself by watching Inception, the DVD I purchased yesterday on Lucy the girl with the nice chest's recommendation.
Whilst watching I eat (and enjoy!) seven packets of Frazzles (they are only small packets) and a Lion Bar. Rawrrrr.
The movie itself is all about people entering dreams and then messing about. They are very boring dreams, mostly of sitting down and talking to each other. All my dreams are exciting, and I wish Yompato, the giant furry peanut from my dreams would appear to tell Leonard Camprio to stop being silly and just accept his dead wife is imaginary. Maybe slap him in the eye too.
The film is quite long, but I put it on 1.5x speed as it still plays the sound and makes sense, but is a bit more fun, coming across as a Benny Hill interpretation. I do this with all films. Except Hudson Hawk. Because you don't mess with a classic.
I look at the clock and realise it is upside-down and not half past six. I resolve to turning it the right way up after lunch, which is a tin of Heinz tomato soup with pepper and beef crisps. The soup is delicious, and I only spill a little down my chest, which is an improvement on last time when I looked like I had vomited my guts onto myself. I'm just a messy eater. Add 'bib' to the shopping list in my head, which also contains AA batteries, ant killer and alcohol. I am glad to have finished 'a' and moved onto 'b'. Although AA batteries could also be counted as 'b'. Perhaps having an alphabetised list is not the best idea, I realise, having seen that I have spent so long thinking that the clock says it is a quarter to eight and I had best get a move on.
I check my emails, apply for more free washing powder (Fairy Non-Bio Liquitabs) and appreciate the irony that as I click the 'submit' button, the dryer finishes. (I am not entertained by the dryer as I am with the washer. What can I say? I love bubbles.)
I put my clothes on and, seeing that the clock now says it is past nine o clock I decide to go to bed.
It takes me a while to get to sleep, as I am pretty sure I have forgotten to do something, and I am not feeling very tired.
Goodness me, today has gone fast.