I just got bit on the face by a goose.
I don't really know how that happened, and I know this is a terrible way to recount my adventures but to be brutally honest, if a goose had just bitten you on the face that's pretty much all you'd be thinking about.
Do geese have teeth? It certainly felt like it had teeth when it attacked my face. It must have jumped up too, because I don't remember bending down to it's level.
Ow. Bloody hurts. If you've ever been bitten on the face by a goose, I'm sure you'll understand. If you haven't, then please don't go out to try and get bitten on the face by a goose, as being bitten on the face hurts. A lot.
Anyway, I've got an ice cream from the ice cream van man and it tastes lovely and I have glared at the goose, so I feel like I have won.
Right, maybe I should sit down and start at the beginning of my tale. A bit of background might help too, y'know, save you having to Wikipedia me or whatever (actually I'm not important enough for that, so say their idiotic administration staff. I'll show them.)
My name is Peter Oliver James Green. When I was little, my friend Liam Adel shortened my name to Pog, being an acronym of my name, minus the James, because Pojg is unpronounceable. Or Swedish or something.
I was born in 1980. Well, actually ON 1980, dead on, given that I emerged from mum's delivery outlet at bang on Midnight on January 1st. The problem with having this as a birthday is that everyone is all hungover from New Year's Eve and too poor from Christmas to want to celebrate with me. So usually I just sit in the park and feed the ducks the Christmas cake that I didn't eat because I don't like Christmas Cake.
So, that is why I am in the park today, its my 33rd birthday, and I've just been bitten in the face by a goose. Sorry if I've mentioned that one too many times, but it is still stinging. Do geese carry rabies?
Anyway, I digress, or more accurately, digest (ice cream LOL) what other background information do I need to tell you? I have brown tidy hair and blue eyes and I can't tie knots in balloons. But, then again, as I never get to have a decent party for my birthday, this can be excused.
Job wise, well I'm currently a gentleman of leisure, given that I am on indefinite paid sick leave after a coffee machine incident and subsequent issues that I shall go into at a later point, if I remember. If I don't remember though, please forgive me, as I have been bitten on the face by a goose. Goose-related amnesia, perhaps. That said, I probably will remember.
That's enough background now I reckon. I'll probably insert more background as I write, although i will do it in a subtle, clever way that will make me look like I'm a good writer and that.
Anyway, I shall now recount my adventures, or as I like to call them...
THE ODYSSEY OF POG.